A few years ago I worked Christmas Eve, I usually do, then got the 17.10 ferry to Lochaline. It was a dark night with heavy rain, then a black cow walked onto the road, not the easiest thing to spot. I braked but knew I would hit her, and thought I would end up in hospital.

She rolled onto the bonnet pushing in the windscreen and dented the roof, then walked away!

I wasn’t hurt, the airbag hadn’t gone off and the engine was still working. Having ridden motor bikes through winters of fog, gales, blizzards and black ice driving a car without a windscreen was OK if unpleasant. The windscreen ended up in the car so was giving me a bit of protection from the elements. Obviously I had to travel very slowly pulling left and indicating when any car came up behind me. On the Corran Ferry it was a relief to get out of the wet seat and the crew gave me a cup of tea. I only had to make Glencoe then I could abandon the car, change into some dry clothes, then after Christmas sort out the insurance and buy another car.

As I got to the slip road for Glencoe there was a blue flashing light in my mirror, I stopped.

The policeman had a rant about the condition of the car then told me to follow him.

He clearly had no idea how to drive the car.

Even driving over 20mph (which was far to fast) I couldn’t see where he had gone, rain was in my eyes and street lights were dazzling.

At the police station the officer continued to be grumpy and scowled at me when I asked to use the toilet. I sat in the unheated police station in my wet clothes and picked bits of glass from the back of my hands which I dropped on the floor.

He was convinced I had hit a deer not a cow, I didn’t understand why anyone would lie about a worthless deer and claim they had hit a potentially expensive cow?

He called the policeman from Kinlochleven who appeared after a long time and breathalysed me.

Eventually I was told I could leave, I was surprised I hadn’t been charged. He got on the radio and asked if there had been any reports of deer being found. He was told there was a man with a red coat and white beard who was missing a reindeer, that went straight over his head and he replied “No, a red deer”.

At my car the Kinlochleven policeman pulled some black hair from the roof where it used to join the windscreen and said it was obviously a black cow.

I received my charge in the post, I went round to The Lawyer’s house and he explained it to me. The Police had decided my car was  a danger to other road users. I could plead guilty then get a £1,200 fine and a year ban and then have to resit my test, or I could fight it which would also cost me a four figure sum (and could also result in the same penalty if I lost). If I had got drunk and crashed the car I would not have had to sit my test again! As the policeman had told me to drive the car I thought it was fair that he should also get banned for a year.

The thought of being without transport for over a year was not good. I walk to work so I thought I might still have a job (and therefor also a house). There are some crags around here so I would still be able to get onto the rocks but most crags would be impossible to get to, weekends away would be out. There is a shop 4 miles from here.

I was to go to court on February 26th but was told at the last minute that I didn’t need to go, The Lawyer would speak without me.

I turned up at court on the 22nd April. They were charging someone with a disturbance in Fort William High Street. An overweight policeman who had made an arrest was answering questions. A lawyer in a suit told him “You said to my client “I’m going to fucking do you””. He replied that he had been in the force for 25 years and didn’t need to speak like that. The last time I was in court was in Paisley in 1980, the police lied on oath there as well.

They decided at lunchtime that there wasn’t enough time for my case so I would come back another day.

I returned to Fort William court on the 25th August, there was a lot going on so no time for me again.

In court on the 25th November the case against me was ‘a priority case’, this time I got as far as confirming my name. They would not take the word of a nobody against a policeman so The Lawyer had asked a traffic expert from Dumfries to answer questions about my car. This was his third visit to Fort William for me, I would be paying for all his travel and overnight expenses.

Then two policemen turned up in court with a note for the policeman who had stopped me; he had taken a sickie. The case against me was therefor abandoned.

I’m working Christmas day this year.

Mark Shaw’s photo (above) won the Alpine Club of Canada prize for mountain flora 2010.